A friend and colleague of mine, APK, is from Sri Lanka. He sent me the jokes below to give me some insight into Sri Lankan culture and humor. I hope one day to travel there, and he said that he would be glad to show me around and we would stay in his family's home.
Udurawana's Getting Married
Udurawana's Girl Friend: "I'm one year elder than you....will it be effected badly to our marriage?"
Udurawana: "No, not at all. We'll marry next year."
Hidden Cameras
Mrs. Udurawana caught Udurawana searching high and low all around his living room.
Mrs. Udurawana: "What are you searching for?"
Mr. Udurawana: "Hidden cameras!"
Mrs. Udurawana: "And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras here?"
Mr. Udurawana: "That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing. Every few minutes he keeps saying, 'You are watching Rupavahini channel'. How does he know that?"
Relaxing
Udurawana was enjoying the sun at the beach in America. A lady came and asked him, "Are you relaxing?"
Udurawana answered, "No, I am Udurawana."
Another guy came and asked him the same question.
Udurawana answered, "No! No! Me Udurawana!"
A third one came and asked him the same question again.
Udurawana was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place.
While walking he saw another Sri Lankan soaking in the sun.
He went up to him and asked, "Are you Relaxing?"
The other man was a lot more educated and answered, "Yes, I am relaxing."
Udurawana slapped him on his face and said, "Stupid idiot. Everyone is looking for you and you are sitting over here!"
Heaven
Udurawana died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gates Saint Peter told him that new rules are in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance each soul must answer two simple questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are there in a year?
Udurawana thought for a few minutes and answered:
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow answer, even though it's not the answer I expected. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?"
Udurawana replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc..."
Saint Peter opens the gate without another word.
The Wash Basin
Udurawana goes to a hotel in Colombo and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead.
The manager comes running and asks him, "Sir, what are you doing?"
Udurawana replies, "Read this board here, it says 'Wash Basin.'"
English Exam
Udurawana finished his English exam and came out. His friends asked him how he did on his exam. He replied "Exam was okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I thought, thought and thought, at last I wrote THUNK!!!"
Answer the Following Questions in Brief
Udurawana is appearing for his University final examination. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window. He then removes his shirt and throws it away as well, followed by his pants, socks and watch.
The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.
"I am only following the instructions here," he says, "it says here, 'Answer the following questions in brief.'"
Essay
The English teacher told all the students in the class to write an essay on a cricket match. All were busy writing except Udurawana. He has written. "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!!!"
The Postman
Postman: "I have to come 5 miles to deliver you this parcel."
Udurawana: "Why did you come so far? Instead you could have posted it."
Coffee Shop
Udurawana and his wife went to a coffee shop.
Udurawana said, "Hurry up! Drink quickly!"
His Wife asked, "Why?"
Udurawana said, "Hot Coffee Rs. 5 and Cold Coffee Rs 10!"
Letter to his Son
Udurawana was writing something very slowly.
A friend came and asked: "Why are you writing so slowly?"
Udurawana replies, "I'm writing to my 6 years old son. He can't read very fast."
How I Look When I'm Sleeping
Udurawana was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed.
His wife sees this and asks: "What you are doing?"
Udurawana replies, "I'm seeing how I look while I'm sleeping!"
Udurawana's Getting Married
Udurawana's Girl Friend: "I'm one year elder than you....will it be effected badly to our marriage?"
Udurawana: "No, not at all. We'll marry next year."
Hidden Cameras
Mrs. Udurawana caught Udurawana searching high and low all around his living room.
Mrs. Udurawana: "What are you searching for?"
Mr. Udurawana: "Hidden cameras!"
Mrs. Udurawana: "And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras here?"
Mr. Udurawana: "That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing. Every few minutes he keeps saying, 'You are watching Rupavahini channel'. How does he know that?"
Relaxing
Udurawana was enjoying the sun at the beach in America. A lady came and asked him, "Are you relaxing?"
Udurawana answered, "No, I am Udurawana."
Another guy came and asked him the same question.
Udurawana answered, "No! No! Me Udurawana!"
A third one came and asked him the same question again.
Udurawana was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place.
While walking he saw another Sri Lankan soaking in the sun.
He went up to him and asked, "Are you Relaxing?"
The other man was a lot more educated and answered, "Yes, I am relaxing."
Udurawana slapped him on his face and said, "Stupid idiot. Everyone is looking for you and you are sitting over here!"
Heaven
Udurawana died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gates Saint Peter told him that new rules are in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance each soul must answer two simple questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are there in a year?
Udurawana thought for a few minutes and answered:
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow answer, even though it's not the answer I expected. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?"
Udurawana replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc..."
Saint Peter opens the gate without another word.
The Wash Basin
Udurawana goes to a hotel in Colombo and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead.
The manager comes running and asks him, "Sir, what are you doing?"
Udurawana replies, "Read this board here, it says 'Wash Basin.'"
English Exam
Udurawana finished his English exam and came out. His friends asked him how he did on his exam. He replied "Exam was okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I thought, thought and thought, at last I wrote THUNK!!!"
Answer the Following Questions in Brief
Udurawana is appearing for his University final examination. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window. He then removes his shirt and throws it away as well, followed by his pants, socks and watch.
The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.
"I am only following the instructions here," he says, "it says here, 'Answer the following questions in brief.'"
Essay
The English teacher told all the students in the class to write an essay on a cricket match. All were busy writing except Udurawana. He has written. "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!!!"
The Postman
Postman: "I have to come 5 miles to deliver you this parcel."
Udurawana: "Why did you come so far? Instead you could have posted it."
Coffee Shop
Udurawana and his wife went to a coffee shop.
Udurawana said, "Hurry up! Drink quickly!"
His Wife asked, "Why?"
Udurawana said, "Hot Coffee Rs. 5 and Cold Coffee Rs 10!"
Letter to his Son
Udurawana was writing something very slowly.
A friend came and asked: "Why are you writing so slowly?"
Udurawana replies, "I'm writing to my 6 years old son. He can't read very fast."
How I Look When I'm Sleeping
Udurawana was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed.
His wife sees this and asks: "What you are doing?"
Udurawana replies, "I'm seeing how I look while I'm sleeping!"
2 comments:
These remind me of jokes about dumb Polish people. ;-)
Some of them are pretty good though.
My friend APK says that they don't have Polish jokes in Sri Lanka. They usually make it about Indians since there is no love lost between India and Sri Lanka, even though they were both under the British Raj.
He's a fun guy to have around and provides a great insight to another culture. He's only been here a few years and has the best command of English that I have heard from anyone from that region. He says that the vast majority of Sri Lankans that know English know it well and speak it well. They often make fun of people from India, saying that their English is not very good.
I'd just be happy to have even a mediocre command of English! :)
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